Monday, August 23, 2010
I'm going to go back.
I'm going to go to the old places I used to wander, play, hide.
I'm going to get coffee and have tea with old friends, old neighbors.
I'm going to spend time with the girl who's really not just my cousin, but my older sister, the only person my age who's known me since I was born, the girl I would do anything for--like eat dog food at age 7 when dared.
I'm going to see the house I grew up in, the woods, the rope swing over the creek.
I'm going to cry and cry and cry and cry.
I'm going to start figuring out what's wrong with me; why I'm stuck; why I let people hurt me over and over; why I don't know what I want; what I want.
I'm going to read and read and read
and write and write and write.
I'm going to get drunk with my cousin while floating on the lake.
I'm going to run around barefoot in the woods and wade through creeks and climb trees and discover the spaces not so often tread on.
I'm going to go to a show by myself at some tiny bar downtown.
I'm going to talk to people I don't know and ask them about themselves and watch their faces and hands while they talk.
I'm going to be alone.
and I'm going to be okay.