Tuesday, June 3, 2008

13 Going on 21.

Turning 21 isn't really that exciting, save for it makes me sound older than 20.
It's true, though, isn't it? 21 sounds so much older than 20. Turning 22 will sound even older.
My "big night" consisted of dinner with my mom and dad, followed by another Prison Break marathon. But not before we all had an argument that turned into a let's-talk-about-our-feelings, why-don't-you-tell-us-how-you-feel, you-know-you-can-always-talk-to-us-about-anything conversation. (Hi, mom. Yes, I know you read this.)
It feels weird that it's summer, because after Oxford ended and I traveled the globe, trying to slowly make my way home, it felt like it was time to go back to school. In fact, I would have willingly gone back if it meant finishing college earlier. Instead I have a whole summer in front of me, when all I want to do is get senior year over with.
After being in Oxford, I feel really unproductive if I'm not writing a paper or reading for a gazillion hours a day or walking half an hour just to listen to some boring lecture on the British economy and then walking half an hour to get back home. Sitting in the jacuzzi at home makes me feel brain dead compared to what I was doing this past semester. I'm trying to tell myself that what I'm doing and where I'm at right now is acceptable, but it's a strange adjustment. No one's expecting excellence from me in the categories of secretarial work or sunbathing.
I think I'm coming out of the transitory phase of being abroad to being home right now. I didn't enter the phase until I was in New York, 3ish weeks after actually leaving Oxford, and then one day, WABOOSH, I'm crying into my pillow WAH WAH WAH I MISS MY FRIENDS I MISS MY ROOMMATES I MISS LIBRARIES AND SCONES.
I still miss scones, and I still miss the people I became close to, but it's fading more lately.
I have realized I'm still angry about some things I thought I was almost over, and I'm almost over some things I thought I was angry about.

FEELINGS. I'm talking about my FEEEEELINGS. Is everyone proud?
Thank you.

edit: There's no way for me to mention Oxford without feeling or sounding pretentious, so I'm pretending to ignore the fact that it bothers me.


little lo said...

what are you angry about? it's ok, im mad all the time, i'll totally identify. as for birthdays, that's how i always spend my actual birthday day - with some cake and the rents!

Anonymous said...

mom said... Yes dear , I did read this (actually more than once...) I hope you are adjusting to your summer routine and will actually learn to enjoy it! September is coming soon enough, Love you, Mom